There’s an old song that goes, “Love hurts, love scars, love wounds, and marks . . .” It ran through my mind most of the day yesterday on Good Friday. I could almost hear Jesus singing the lyrics, reminding us again from the cross that Christian love is not easy. It hurts, scars, wounds, and marks when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and open our hearts to receive whatever pain may come when we dare to love fully and speak the truth.
Why should loving fully and speaking the truth cause such pain? Partly because human beings are made for connection. We need supportive relationships, and we need to feel that we belong. We must be seen, heard, and valued to thrive; otherwise, we suffer. To avoid the pain of disconnection, we might engage in inappropriate or out-of-character behaviors to fit in with the group. For example, we may deny our friends like Peter (John 18:17, 25, 27) or follow the group’s consensus, whatever the cost, like Pilate (John 19). We may find ourselves joining in the condemnation of others’ beliefs or values, like those who cried out, “Hail King of the Jews” and “Crucify him!” (John 19: 3, 6). Similarly, each of us has likely harmed another’s heart with words or actions that caused them to feel shunned or shamed.
On the cross, Jesus shows us what it means to love as he loves. It means opening our hearts wide to love (notice his outstretched arms), even when we’d prefer to close ourselves off for protection. He teaches us that a heart open and exposed in this way is vulnerable and will likely experience great pain, like the mockery, rejection, shame, blame, and denial of others. He reminds us that love remains constant in the truth, despite the pressure of the group, and persistent even when love is not reciprocated. Love is not crushed beneath the anger, bitterness, and rejection of others; rather still extends love, even as it bleeds (John 19:26; Luke 23:32-43). Love would rather be killed while being truthful and fully loving than survive without loving so completely.
For us humans, this seems too great a risk for too small a reward here on Earth. Few will notice or appreciate our efforts to love at all costs. Speaking the truth will not be easy. Like love, it too will likely hurt, scar, and even wound our spirits. When we look around, it may seem that our love is in vain and that the world has won. It may seem that the despair and evil continue despite our best efforts. However, our faith reminds us that this is not true.
On Easter Sunday, Jesus promises that great gifts await us when we open our arms wide to share God’s love, despite the pain we will experience. Love emerges purer and more radiant than our imaginations can fathom. We will know and share a healing peace that can only be realized when we commend our fears and spirits into God’s hands and allow His love to emanate through us (Luke 23:46).
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Read more reflections in When on Earth: Discovering Christian Spirituality in the Daily Happenings of Ordinary Life.