After I give a talk or retreat, it never fails that I begin to question how it was perceived by the attendees. I'm usually quite confident during the days, weeks, or even months of planning and preparation, and the presentation typically goes very well. I'm very busy during those periods, and I feel a positive sense of responsibility and purpose. I'm self-assured in my abilities and my efforts. But afterward, even after much applause or other sign of appreciation, my mind just can't seem to leave well enough alone. Those little negative thoughts invariably arise, always wondering what the audience really thought. How did they perceive me and my message?
I see much the same scenario in Luke's ninth chapter. Jesus appears quite self-assured in his work, his efforts, and his abilities. As a leader, he gathers the apostles together and gives them power and authority to heal and cure people. He knows exactly what they should do and how they should accomplish their tasks, and he's straightforward and confident in his instructions. Before long, huge crowds begin to follow Jesus. He continues on, boldly healing them and courageously feeding them, even when there clearly isn't enough food. The intensity of the work and his sense of mission and purpose keep his mind occupied and those doubting little evil voices from surfacing, with messages that might interfere with his important works.
At some point, Jesus finally pauses from all the activity to rest and pray. We catch a glimpse of how those pernicious little voices begin to surface even within him, revealing the absolute fullness of his humanity. He asks, "Who do the crowds say that I am?" (Luke 9:18). The apostles' replies are not surprising. There is a myriad of responses, depending on whom they ask. Some say this; others say that. Naturally, everyone has an opinion, although it is likely that no one really knows him at all. Then Jesus asks his closest friends, the apostles, "But what about you? Who do you say I am?" (Luke 9:20). Peter's reply is, "God, the Messiah."
It's human nature for us to wonder what others think about us. Unfortunately, it's also natural for our thoughts to lean towards or dwell on the negative. According to "brain negativity bias" research, we tend to feel and remember criticisms much more powerfully than praise. Bad comments impacts us more powerfully than good feedback. Researchers believe that this is an adaptive response that ultimately helps us to survive and even thrive. When our brains focus on the negative, we work harder to prevent bad things from happening or to solve problems.
I'm grateful for the lesson that Jesus teaches here. When those negative voices begin to surface, and it seems as if they always will, we can turn to those who truly know us and love us. We can trust their opinions because they know our hearts deeply. Even more importantly, when the negative voices want to pull us away from our good works and the mission that God has set before us, we can turn to our Creator who formed us in the womb and knows us most intimately (Psalm 139). We can ask Him the same question that He once asked, "Who do You say that I am?" He'll remind us that we are beloved children of God, the Messiah. Although our brain may be hardwired towards negativity, we will find nothing but positivity in that.
Read more reflections in When on Earth: Discovering Christian Spirituality in the Daily Happenings of Ordinary Life.